Instead of reinventing the wheel every day with the old school daily newsletter, we now have a forum where all new content is posted, all old content (including all newsletters) are still available, and you can post your own questions, problems, ideas, etc., and get help directly from me or from our whole group, including a rather large group of women who just love to help out. Come see us at http://forum.makingherhappy.com/forum.php! For those of you who are tech-savvy, we've included all the great gadgets, from RSS feeds to mobile access, so come on over and join us!
 

Learn What Women Secretly Say Behind Their Husbands' Backs About What They Want and Need, What Turns Them On and Off, and How to Make Her Feel Like You Can Read Her Mind!

...unless, of course you’re ready to go back to getting flamed over a lame pickup line in a bar or sitting at home reading the dating personals.  Or maybe just living with a cheating wife or girlfriend is more your style. No?

Whether you’re having trouble in your marriage or relationship now or wanting to stop it before it starts (and it can start with one wrong look or word!), you’d better read this:

Dear Bored, Frustrated, Confused, Or Celibate Friend,

Relationships, whether you’re married or not, go stale – the excitement fades, the sex slows down and nearly stops, schedules get filled with jobs, kids, hobbies, and chores, and before you know it, you’re both crawling in the bed at night and falling asleep, whether that’s why you went to bed or not. It may feel like the end of your life and damage your self-image, but at worst, it’s just the end of the honeymoon, and you’ve got yourself a lonely housewife or girlfriend who just might already be listed in the online personals or some lonely wife club.

What’s a Guy to Do? What Have You Tried?

(Start by installing the free MakingHerHappy browser toolbar to keep up with our blog articles, access chat and alerts, stop pop-ups, and much more!)

Solid relationship advice that you can immediately put to work for you is hard to find. Some go out to the library, bookstore or search engines looking for everything they can find on “marriage help” or “marriage advice,” “seduce my wife,” “love advice,” “relationship help,” or "relationship advice," or my favorite, “what women want,” and get a very vague and inaccurate picture from people who’d be better suited to writing psychology textbooks or religious sermons.

Sound familiar?

Others go to the other extreme, flooding Google and other search engines with queries for sources on extra-marital affairs or dating sites, such as “speed dating,” “dating advice,” “how to get a girlfriend,” “one night stand,” and even “macking” (the art of the one night stand), and don’t accomplish anything except setting themselves up for a divorce or other bad break up and having it hit the “Girly Grapevine” that they are a cheating scumbag.

Is this you?

There are a few who realize that creating and maintaining a happy and fulfilling relationship needs a more direct approach, especially those into self-help and self-improvement systems, and they go to millions of sites Google serves up with such search terms as “attract woman,” “seduction tip” and “sexual attraction,” but these pages and products, developed by some of the world’s more brilliant minds, like John Alanis (“The King of Let ‘em Come to You”), David DeAngelo (“Double Your Dating”), Shelly McMurtry (“First in Her Mind”), Tiffany Taylor (“Guy Gets Girl”), and Mari-Jo Tyler (“Laugh Into Love,” a relationship expert, sex therapist, and comedienne!), and which get huge results for people trying to become successful in the dating world, are developed mainly for someone IN the dating world.

But Wait!

Going back into the dating world and meeting strangers is what you’re trying to avoid, isn't it?! Trying to employ such attraction tactics, such as being unpredictable, which is irresistible to a woman you’ve just met, to a mature relationship will scare the living hell out of a woman with whom you are sharing a mortgage and a few kids, married or not!

She wants predictability, but is attracted to unpredictability.

There are a great many “toy boys” around who can give her that little thrill while you continue to provide stability, so the whole issue is a double-edged sword and a huge trap for both of you, as are many other things that trip a woman’s attraction triggers.

How do you sort it out? What do women want, especially in a long-term relationship? What feelings can you enjoy giving her that she will enjoy?

To make matters worse, you may have already been doing some research, and come across some of the dating gurus mentioned above. The advice they give is rock solid for the dating world -- it just doesn't get any better -- but they repeatedly say to their readers, "Once attraction is lost, forget it and move on, because it's gone, it's near impossible, if not entirely impossible, to bring it back."

Maybe for their readers, but take a closer look...

In the short window you have to create attraction in a new person and try to make it bloom into a lasting relationship, this is true. But, the rules and timeframes are different for committed relationships. Have you already given up? You shouldn't, because the fact that you're in a committed relationship works in your favor, and can actually motivate your bored girlfriend or wife to help you set things right under the right conditions.

How? Keep reading...

Hi! I’m David Cunningham, a semi-retired and measurably successful international management consultant and troubleshooter, and one of those people that everybody calls no matter what their problem is, because if I don’t have an answer, I find one for them that works.

At the request of people in trouble, I’ve become an expert in most areas of business, alternative healthcare and health maintenance, gourmet dieting and cooking, just to name a few things. It’s been going on so long that many of the people who know me call me “Doc,” in spite of the fact that I’m neither a physician nor holder of a doctorate degree, because I can usually find "a cure for whatever ails them."

Doc and Wife
 

This problem of a “stale” relationship, one in which both parties, whether married or not, still love each other and are committed to staying together, or at least want to be, but their relationship is in a rut – their sex lives are near non-existent, their lives are routine and boring -- has happened over time and has become a “comfortable” habit. Judging by the results of studies conducted by people qualified and equipped to conduct them, the average married couple has sex only six times a year, in spite of studies conducted on these same people indicating that they think about sex hourly and often every few minutes.

How can this be a recipe for a happy marriage?

I’m going to make a bet that if you’re still reading this, either you’re in the same boat, or you’re the proactive sort that tries to stop problems before they start and don’t want to be part of that statistic. I’ve been happily married for the last ten-plus years at the time of this writing, and I can tell you from experience, my own and that of hundreds of other couples, that the good news is that reigniting her attraction for you is all that this situation requires for short-term success, and keeping that success this time around is a simple matter of completing two tasks and starting up two on-going processes, one of which will be on “auto-pilot” and one you will actively manage:

Task 1: Make sure you are a good match for each other. Some people just aren't good for each other; indeed, some couples are downright mutually destructive, and think they're happy, when they are actually comfortably unhappy. A bad match-up can’t work well because there’s always the stress of trying to bend and stretch to meet somebody in the middle, and it’s such a stretch that neither of you will ever be able to enjoy the relationship.

Task 2 (and the process on “auto-pilot”): Learning a bit about how men and women communicate differently and how to "meet in the middle." You may have always known that women go about it differently than we do, and that it makes us nuts, but getting a handle on it is really not as complicated as a great many of the people with lots of “alphabet soup” dangling after their names on their business cards would have you believe. Just being aware of the basic differences is often enough to start bridging the gap, because understanding often brings about cooperation and improvement, which in turn starts a continuous improvement process that you’ll find that you enjoy so much that it will quickly become automatic, because while it’s a little bit of work, it’s a whole lot of fun!

The actively managed process: Keeping that attraction alive once reignited, which isn’t at all difficult once you understand what she responds to, because it’s not just easy to do, it’s fun for both of you! Especially when you trip those triggers regularly, because not only will your sex life return to what you used to call “normal” (and exciting!), but you’ll once again find each other fun and exciting in more and more ways. She’ll respond to having her triggers tripped by automatically tripping your triggers as well, and as your communications skills improve you’ll discover more ways to trip each others’ triggers. It’s an upward spiral to long-term happiness, building fun, excitement, and security, and self-esteem for both of you.

As simple as that sounds, that’s really all there is to it, but there are quite a few toe-stumpers, pitfalls, and outright traps along the way. I’ve investigated them, and with the help of a significant and still-growing support staff of women who are in or have been in mature relationships, have prepared a sizable report on how to make this all work in your life. This support staff reviews all advice and examples to make sure that everything is as accurate as possible with regard to how women react to various thoughts, actions, and conversational elements by gauging their own responses to the recommendations (and you can bet their husbands and boyfriends are loving life now!), so what’s included isn’t just an opinion of what works for one guy with one gal, it’s what works, period! You’re getting information on what makes women tick that every woman wishes you knew but few if any women would have ever told you in a way you could understand if you had just asked.

THE Man's Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage

The first part of the report (it was a separate “free report” just for buying the product, but I’d rather keep it simple so you can make a single download!) will lead you through a fair and thorough assessment of yourself, your partner, and your relationship. It will help you to ask and answer the difficult questions that must be resolved before you can expect success going forward or find happiness if this partner isn’t “the one.”

To speed you on your way to a more intimate (and more fun!) relationship, in the second part of this report, which was another huge “free report” but is also integrated for a more effective product and your convenience, I’ve provided not only a few technical details, but also great examples of conversations you’ve probably had, mistakes you probably made in those conversations, and ways in which you can come out better when you have them again in the future.

Finally, we dig deep into what attraction really is, how it works, and how to make it happen! Pay attention here, because attraction, more than anything else, is what women want, whether they realize it or not, and you've got to create it for them or someone else will!


In this robust, 116-page report, you'll learn:

  • How to assess yourself, your significant other, and your relationship to determine if you should be there or not.

  • If it turns out that you shouldn’t be in the relationship, there’s solid advice on who to contact if you need help getting out and which dating gurus I know you can contact for effective advice and help in getting back into the game with a satisfaction guarantee.

  • The actual secrets of what women really want and what they respond to—the answers to questions that have plagued men for thousands of years! Specifically, we’ll go through what attraction is, why it’s so powerful, how to trigger it in ways that are acceptable in a mature relationship, and how to kill it, both slowly and instantly.

  • The truth about attraction, what it is, what causes it, and what kills it, not to mention why it’s so important throughout the relationship—why the relationship starts dying the very second the attraction starts to wane.

  • Why being a traditional “nice guy” is the kiss of death to a relationship, and how to do things that she will think are nice without spoiling the relationship, including how to determine the kinds of gifts she’ll flip over every single time!

  • A wonderfully effective power tutorial in understanding the differences in how men and women communicate, why it is futile to expect each other to do anything more than try to meet in the middle with regard to communications style and methods (not issues!), and why it’s so much easier and fun when you are trying to meet in the middle.

  • How to distinguish between "attraction," “love,” “need,” and “lust” (and yes, they are very different and not related!).

  • How and why most little boys know more about attracting the opposite sex than most teenage or adult men!

  • Why attraction disappears from relationships, using specific examples, and how to tell if this is what’s happening or has happened in your relationship.

  • Why and how women test men constantly, no matter how good things get, and what to do about it.

  • Why women need drama in their life, the difference between a normal woman and a “drama queen,” and why a normal woman will be horribly insulted if you call her a “drama queen.”

  • Why women don’t want a “metrosexual” for their lover, but those baggy graphic T-shirts and cargo shorts, worn out sandals, and grubby baseball caps won’t cut it either. You’ll discover the happy medium, and you’ll be thrilled to know that it doesn’t have to cost you an arm and a leg.

  • Ways in which men and women are overwhelmingly similar in their needs and desires – this section will shock most if not all readers!

  • A specific list of things that trigger instant attraction in virtually all women, which ones work best between members of a mature relationship and which work better in a new relationship, as well as the ones that can be counter-productive in a mature relationship if handled wrong and how to handle them (unpredictability is not the only one!).

  • How, once attraction is triggered, to make sure you not only don’t kill it with a bad sexual performance, but give her what she really wants and will fight to keep, every time!

Why should you bother to read this report? Well for starters, it works! Just the awareness gained by the support staff in focusing on the material and pulling it all together revived and improved their relationships to honeymoon status. If that's not a good enough reason, let’s talk money for a minute...

How many hundreds or thousands of dollars do you think you might spend on marriage counselors and/or lawyers trying to fix your current problems (especially if you get caught in an affair)?

Are there kids involved? Do you want to risk only seeing them every other weekend?

The reasons are plentiful and should be pretty obvious!

Here’s what people just like you have said after reading and improving their relationships with “THE Man's Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage":

"Our marriage became the best"

Thank you for saving my marriage! My husband and I have been together for 10 years now and our marriage had become more of a chore than a loving relationship. We've always loved each other, but the excitement of being together was long gone. We've tried many times to rekindle that excitement, but it just didn’t happen. After my husband began reading your book, I started to notice a big difference. He shared your book with me, and I have to admit I was somewhat skeptical in the beginning, but as we began to understand attraction and each other more and more our marriage became the best it has ever been.

We’ve gone from sex every couple of months to hot sex every night or two (and sometimes during the day too)! We stopped fighting and started communicating, and now every day is like a special gift that we share. I never thought that we would stay together, but thanks to you and your book, I want to spend the rest of my life with this man. Thank you so much for helping us to bring the excitement back into our marriage (and the sex back into our bedroom!).

--Elaine L., formerly bored and frustrated wife of 11 years, mother of three, attorney

"I have never been more attracted to a man"

I have been in a relationship with the same man now for five years. After two of those years I began to have affairs with other men searching for that feeling that first made me love my boyfriend and the erotic sex that we once shared. After confessing to my boyfriend about the affairs, we both decided we loved each other too much to give up, so we started searching for something that could help us get back on track.

We found your book, and are now two months away from getting married and we communicate better them most couples that have been together a long time. To this day I have never been more attracted to a man than I am this one and the sex is “anyplace at anytime” (how many couples can still say that after five years???). Thank you so much for helping us not to lose each other over something we had the control to take care of all the time.

--Daphne P., corporate sales, now married with new child

"Like a honeymoon again"

Your book is just what it took to make my marriage like a honeymoon again. I never realized how much I didn’t know about women, or how little it would take to turn things around. It’s like we just got married, and it’s all thanks to you.

­-Perry L., Ob/Gyn, formerly frustrated husband of 8 years, father of two

"She's fun to live with again"

This stuff is incredible! I never knew there was so much to understand about women, or that it would be so easy to see when somebody pointed it out. My wife's noticed the difference in me, and it's certainly caused a difference in her -- she's fun to live with again, and she says it's because I'm fun to live with again. Thanks!

--Gil P., Electrician, formerly bewildered and frustrated husband of seven years, two children

"The woman of my dreams"

Wow! I can’t believe what your book has done for my relationship. Finally I am not the “old friend” anymore -- I am the “boyfriend,” and if we go on like this much longer, I’m going to be “the husband.” Since I learned what women want, I am spending my nights (and soon my life!) with the woman of my dreams. Thanks!

--Dale L., computer support consultant, now married to "the woman of his dreams"

"It's like he's reading my mind."

What did you do to my husband?! He’s acting like more of a guy than he’s ever been, but sometimes it’s like he’s reading my mind. He finally let me read your book and it all seemed simple enough, but it’s sure made a difference in him. Thanks so much for finally explaining to men what women have been trying to tell them for years.

--Carrie W., formerly bored and frustrated homemaker, wife of executive, three children

"Thanks for helping us"

Dude! Where were you four years ago when I married this woman? You could have stopped me from wasting a big chunk of my life. I was bored, she was bored and needy, and when we started talking about it, she admitted that she also wished we’d never married because she was on the rebound and has felt bad about it from the beginning.

We’re both moving on, peacefully, starting with a no-fault divorce handled by one attorney. Thanks for helping us see we had made a mistake, and for moving me in the right direction. Those dating gurus you recommended are first-rate. I’m reading some of their stuff now and getting back into dating prepared for action is going to be fun!

--Brian W., Civil Engineer, now married to a physician's assistant

In case you found this page before going through dozens or even hundreds of offers for materials on a related subject, the dating gurus, at least those cited above, are getting a couple hundred bucks or more for many of their products, and having bought and read them, I can tell you they’ve earned every penny of it. They’ve spent months and even years studying psychology and people, and interviewing hundreds of people, not to mention testing their recommendations in their everyday lives. I’ve spent a huge amount of time and effort on this product, and so has the aforementioned support staff, nearly three man-years directly in the production of the document plus the time spent studying psychology, communications, negotiating, etc., before getting involved in the project, but having already made my mark on the world more than once, and enjoying the way it feels to have made such a contribution, you're going to get a deal you can't refuse...

You'll get all this in an immediately downloadable e-book (Adobe PDF format -- free Adobe Reader available at http://www.adobe.com) for only $39.97, which is a very small fraction of what a single hour in the office of a competent marriage counselor or attorney in most parts of the country. It's also less than the cost of a good meal for two in about any good restaurant. A meal lasts an hour; the benefits of this knowledge will last you a lifetime!

Complete With Bonus Reports You Can Use Right Now

"In case of Emergency!" - "Break-Up Busting 101" - a ten-part series of articles spanning 45 single-spaced pages (larger than a lot of other authors' primary e-book products!) on how to understand what brought (or can bring) your relationship to crisis. It will show you how to quickly bring her willingly back to the table so you can get your problems resolved as fast and peacefully as possible.

Plus it will get you both back to living a happy, exciting life again. From the feedback I've gotten, from my support staff and loyal readers, it will be a lot more fun and exciting than you've ever had together!

"Forbidden Knowledge!" - "What Women Want" - an eleven-part series of articles spanning single-spaced pages (again, a lot larger than a lot of other authors' primary e-book products!) on what women say they want, and even more important, what they respond to positively that they don't realize they want, helping you avoid those "be careful what you wish for because you might just get it" situations. You certainly don't need to be making any more of those "nice, sensitive guy who cries with her at chick flicks" mistakes, right?

You also get a free subscription to my daily newsletter.

You'll get additional tips and advice every single day and get your questions answered (and see others' questions and answers!) for as long as you subscribe. These daily gems give you additional insights and how-to information on every facet of relationships, marriage, attraction, naughty boy behavior, etc., you won't find anywhere else.

Now you'll have your own daily refresher delivered to you that will strengthen and enlighten you with a unique take on everyday problems and issues and how you can solve them. You are not alone, I'll be here every day to make sure you get it done and have the most fun you've had in years while you're doing it!

Your Risk Free, 100% Money Back, 365 Day Guarantee

To top it all off, your satisfaction is guaranteed for a full year from the date of purchase. That’s 365 days that you get to study the material and make changes in your life. If you can’t make the success that everyone else is making with this material, you’ll be promptly refunded simply by asking.

Guarantee

In addition, if you'll sign up for the free newsletter, you'll continue to get additional tips and advice and get your questions answered (and see others' questions and answers!) for as long as you care to subscribe.

Friends won’t talk about successes nearly as often or nearly as long as they’ll talk about something that ticks them off. Your success is most important of all, and you're getting a full year to make it happen, but if it just can't happen, at least you'll be satisfied that we both gave it an honest effort and you were treated as promised. The bottom line is that improving your situation really is up to you, and it's time to choose to succeed.

No matter what your situation right now, you’ve got three choices:

  1. Buy now and start fixing problems before they finish killing off your relationship (and maybe your bank account and personal wealth as well).
  2. Buy now and start preparing for the preventive maintenance that will keep your relationship fun and satisfying for a lifetime.
  3. Don’t buy, don’t learn, and join all the other men who are semi-celibate, locked into relationships that prevent them from achieving their potential by damaging their self-esteem, and either about to lose or have lost half of everything they own and been saddled with alimony at least once in their life, seeing their children once or twice a month, and getting dumped back into the dating jungle at middle-age.

Bring back that honeymoon magic!

Download this inexpensive and incredibly informative e-book now!

 

 

Wishing you health, wealth, and happiness in all that you do,

Recent Articles from the MakingHerHappy.com
Newsletter and Blog:

Taking a New and Better Approach to a Great Relationship or Marriage (See Original)

Times are changing, life is happening, and it’s time to take a different approach.

You may have noticed that I didn’t post anything yesterday. It wasn’t due to lack of interest.

There has been a lot happening behind the scenes. As the economy has slowed, it’s impacted me as much as everyone else in some ways. Some of my businesses have slowed and other opportunities have arisen to take their place. Technology has changed the way people seek and access information. And all of it has caused me to need to change some things, for my own sake and that of customers and potential customers, including all of you. Today I’m going to outline those changes for you.

Some of these changes require that I move my physical location back to Nevada. That’s already in the works. I’ll be swamped in relocation and settling in between now and about the end of March.

That means time will be scarce, and I must spend it wisely. It appears that the best way to continue to help you folks is to move everyone along to our forum so that there can be a single point of contact for all of us.

As it is now, I’m circulating this newsletter, posting on blogs on Blogger, Facebook, MySpace, LiveJournal, and Twitter, and reinventing the wheel daily has held back some other very necessary progress, such as getting my existing work converted for distribution through Amazon’s Kindle system and in other formats friendly to smartphones and tablets. So instead of spending an hour a day dispatching newsletters that are already in the archive, I’ll spend that time posting new content on the forum when there is something worth your time to read, answering questions via our forum or e-mail, and working on the aforementioned so I can move on to the big project that has been on the back burner for way too long, a book for women that they’ve been asking me to finish for years.

Copies of this newsletter are already filed in one of the subforums, called “Daily Newsletter Lessons,” and there is another forum where I’ve been categorizing newsletter content in preparation for the release of the next update of my current book with a massive expansion that includes the best information from the last several years' newsletters and examples from our forum. The entire forum is searchable, so finding what you want there as you need it instead of waiting for me to dole it out every day will work better for you, too.

For those of you who haven’t visited, we do have mobile access to our forum through the Tapatalk app; vBulletin has released a development suite for mobile support but I’ve not yet heard anything about it that impressed me enough to implement it. New releases of new products are always bug-ridden and spending a big chunk of money and time on something that won’t give you as good an experience as the $3 (one-time fee, not monthly subscription) Tapatalk app will give you as things are now just doesn’t make sense for any of us.

There is also a live chat facility there that nobody has been using. As more people register for membership (the chat service isn’t available to anonymous users because I don’t want spammers and pranksters harassing or hacking forum users), I’ll start dedicating blocks of time to be in the chat room myself for live discussion and possibly even some chat parties.

There are more surprises coming, but me abandoning this project is not among them for the foreseeable future. It’s just time to evolve, and a man who won’t evolve when changing times say it’s necessary is a coward doomed to failure and extinction, not a man. I practice what I preach.

So that’s it for now, folks. Join us at our forum, http://forum.makingherhappy.com/forum.php for the next evolution, and for your own next evolution, check out my book, “THE Man’s Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage at http://www.makingherhappy.com/.

In the meantime, live well, be well, and have a wonderful day!
David Cunningham

Switching Gears: Coping with the Expected and Unexpected in Relationships and Marriage (See Original)

What women want, they get more often than not; the only question is from whom or with whom will they get it…

I hope you're having a great day! The following reader comment blew me away when it first came in, and these many months later, it still does. Of all the letters I ever expected to get from readers, this one would have never been on the list. Meet Dawn:

Dear David,

I have been putting off writing you because I did not want to sound crazy. My boyfriend David and I bought your book so that we could see if we should really get married or not. He wanted to get married before now, but I kept putting him off because I felt there was something missing in our relationship. The thing is that I started finding his roommate attractive. I ended up spending the night with Eric (his roommate) while he was out of town. That night I found out that Eric had been reading your book the whole time and my David had not. I just wanted to say thanks, because Eric and I will be getting married in a few weeks and David is last week’s trash.

I hope your book helps everyone as much as it helped me find the man I always dreamed of calling my husband.

Sincerely,
Dawn T.

I didn’t originally write “THE Man’s Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage” to help anyone FIND a mate (although enough has been added to it that it will certainly do that quite well now), and to tell you the truth, I wrote it for GUYS (with a few BIG HINTS for women included). BUT, I’ve found through e-mails from readers that a lot of my sales have been to single women who are apparently smarter than us guys because they are reading material for guys to see what to prepare themselves for and ultimately seek out. I originally expected sales to women to be for their men, not for themselves. Women are taking initiative and going for it! After all, a huge part of their life is managing relationships; they are born wired to do it, and we could learn quite a bit from them about relationships if we'd take the time to do so -- I sure did!

However, Gentlemen, there are a couple of huge lessons here for all of us to learn, aside from the fact that what’s in this book works. Women pay attention to what’s going on around them, and they are extremely sensitive to not only behavior, but CHANGES in behavior. That’s why I recommend in the first part of my book that if a man evaluates his relationship and finds out that it is one that should be kept and improved that he have the woman in his life read it as well.

This is to help her understand that she and your marriage are to be the beneficiaries (along with yourself, of course!) of the changes she’s about to see, not a new girlfriend. A new girlfriend would often be a woman’s first thought when she sees positive change in a man, and unfortunately, most of the time she’d be right. Let’s face it Gentlemen, one of the things that get men caught having an affair is its effect as a confidence booster, which does change his behavior toward most, if not all, the people around him.

Another lesson is that women recognize when you’re committed by the effort you make, and if you’re caught slacking, you will be punished for it on some level, usually by having them withhold some part of themselves from you, whether it be time, consideration, support, favor, intimacy, sex, or whatever, and even by giving that part of themselves they withhold from you to another man. Being assertive and taking the lead in achievement, even the achievement of a better relationship, is sexy; being lazy or timid is anti-sexy. Take the hint, and get on the ball.

Make a hobby and a habit of taking responsibility for your life and doing constructive things to improve yourself and your environment (the space and circumstances around you – I’m not talking “green” here), and encourage others to do the same thing, a strong sign of leadership that no woman can resist. There is no person or group that can save the world, but if we all start taking better care of ourselves and the part of the world we live and work in, there won’t be much room left for problems. We’re proving that at our forum, http://forum.makingherhappy.com, as member after member figures out what’s wrong or missing from their life and fixes it, and you’d be doing yourself a favor to join us there.

We all have a bit of a tendency to slow down and let things slide a little as we get older, and the more we let slide, the more the momentum builds, and the faster we and our situations decay, so fix everything before it becomes broken, and I’m talking about every aspect of your life – marriage, job, hobbies, physical and mental condition, EVERYTHING! There’s no need to be an OVER-achiever, but be a “doer” and take care of yourself and your situation.

Start by going to http://www.makingherhappy.com and downloading your copy of my book “THE Man’s Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage” and get your love life (and sex life) in order, and then keep right on going, with the job, friends, physique, etc., using the confidence gained by a happy home life to build your momentum. Do it now, because life’s too short to do anything less than LIVE it.

In the meantime, live well, be well, and have a wonderful day!
David Cunningham

Attitude Adjustment, a Double-Edged Sword That Can Make or Break YOUR Relationship or Marriage (See Original)

We’ve talked about how an attitude adjustment can build attraction, but we need to talk about how the wrong attitude adjustment can just as effectively kill attraction, to the point of trashing a relationship or marriage completely!

First, I’d like to tell everyone how proud I am of those of you who have been writing to me and for all but one or two notable exceptions, posting on our forum (there have been a couple of people who were looking for validation of their crappy attitude and refused to step up and face reality when their own self-deception was pointed out to them). Those two notwithstanding, I have an outstanding group of readers, people who make the choice to improve and follow through on it, something that I don’t see much in the rest of my day-to-day activities. Constant contact with people who get things done is both therapeutic and motivating, and if you don’t have any other “winners” in your social or work circle, I strongly urge you to find some.

It’s very easy for the members of any group of people to sink to the level of the lowest member in the group, and surrounding yourself with high-quality people is excellent insurance against this, not to mention much more enjoyable than listening to some mealy-mouthed worm complaining about his mishaps and shortcomings every time you see him. Good people should keep the company of good people, not those who want to be supported by good people rather than expend the effort themselves to be good people.

Getting into today’s lesson, I was reminded by a letter from one of you that attitudes can be adjusted in both directions, for the better and for the worse, and it can go entirely unnoticed until it’s too late. Meet my buddy Joe, one of the older among you:

Hi David,

Thought I'd take advantage of the invitation to share a current example and the observed effects.
I'll try to make this the “readers digest” version, but some back-story is probably beneficial.

About 8 months ago some friends and I pooled funds and bought a business that would otherwise have disappeared. Three of us contributed money and one was to be sweat equity.

At the time I was exerting leadership and authority it triggered attraction in a woman (we'll call her Judy) I'd known for about a year and who was involved in the purchase as well. We were spending an increasing amount of time together, sharing more of our lives and becoming intimate. After being alone for about 4 years (long separation and divorce) it was a very welcome addition to my life.

After things settled in I neglected to “keep it going” in terms of leadership, (mistakenly) feeling that since she and I were doing well and had a definite affinity that things would continue. WRONG. There are other factors involved, but basically I failed to continue in the leadership role and the attraction waned considerably. The end result was that the relationship that had been hot and very mutual was put “on hold” until we “each got things in our lives straightened out.”

This last week we had to remove the “sweat equity partner” from managing the restaurant. Since I'm the geographically close partner AND the person that put the deal together AND have worked the business as well, it has fallen to me to organize and manage the restaurant. This created a lot of strain and even induced a bit of “panic” initially. A lot communication went on with the partners over status, decision-making, etc. Again I failed to take a strong enough leadership position.

Since that point I've gotten a handle on things, however, the effect on my relationship with Judy took a worse turn in that she's not confident with my assertiveness and there's now some struggle and even bossiness on her part in how things will proceed. Yep, classic wussiness and deference have caused her to feel she has to 'be the man'.

Now there are other issues in play here, and an evaluation of Judy as an appropriate partner is clearly required as she has her own set of issues. HOWEVER, observing the progression of events here it's clear that FAILING TO TAKE THE LEADERSHIP ROLE HAS TANKED WHAT WAS ONCE A CLEAR AFFINITY AND PRETTY FUN AND INTERESTING RELATIONSHIP.

I'm re-evaluating my process of relating information to my partners with an eye towards framing the issue, identifying options and suggesting the most effective choice, INSTEAD of coming across with a “what am I going to do now?” type of attitude.

It's a learning process and some take longer to “get” the lessons. The thing is that the lessons continue to come until we DO get it.

Thanks David for your help and newsletters. They're helping me to change into a better man and better partner...for someone, sometime.

Regards,
Joe

As you can see from Joe’s account, letting your attitude deteriorate in the face of stress, deadlines, boredom, and a lot of other things, is easy, and it can cost you, dearly. So keep an eye on your attitude, mood, deviation from good habits (like being on time, or being well-groomed) that show self-respect, etc., and don’t let things go down the tubes when they could easily be maintained or improved. It’s far easier to maintain the good things in life than it is to regain them once lost.

There was one guy on our forum, http://forum.makingherhappy.com/, who went through this and never could get it right. For the last two of seven years of marriage, his wife tried harder and harder to tell him that his attitude was pushing her away, and it got so bad that she has not only dropped the divorce bomb on him, she’s so much in the habit of punishing him verbally for what he did in the past that she was unable and unwilling to even attempt to see him as he is now. We tried to coach him through it, and his attitude was bouncing around like a ball, rather dramatically in fact.

He’d see the problems and admit what needed to be done, and then start making excuses and fabricating things out of thin air that were in direct contradiction to what he’d already said, trying to evade the fact that he was married to a predator just to keep from having to make a change that could have facilitated a happy life. It’s a fascinating read and could save your marriage or a friend’s somewhere down the road because it exposes so many pitfalls and what happens when you handle them the wrong way, so join us and give it a read. Search for “Lerxst” and you’ll easily spot the relevant threads.

Getting back to maintaining things being easier than regaining them once lost, think of a bundle of asphalt roofing shingles. Once you get them up on your shoulder, holding them there or going up the ladder with them isn’t hard at all, but getting them from the ground to your shoulder (especially if you do two at a time like I do) is rough, and you can get hurt pretty badly doing it if you don’t do it just right. Relationships are the same way. Easy to maintain or elevate from a comfortable position, but having the potential to break your back if you have to bring one from the ground up.

So now you have to ask yourself a question: “Do I know what my attitude, demeanor, personality, habits, etc., are projecting about me???” And do you know how the people, and specifically the women in your life, are interpreting what they see? Another question: “If somebody, especially a woman, tried to tell me what they see, would I listen, and understand?”

You will after you’ve read my book, "THE Man's Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage," and you’ll also know what they like seeing and how to adjust your attitude and outlook so that they see what they’re looking for and you enjoy your life more, not because they see it, but because YOU do. It’s fun, easy, and every man who has tried it to date has succeeded in making his life better, regardless of what woman’s company he was keeping, so whatever is holding you back, skip it, and get over to http://www.makingherhappy.com/ and download your copy right now. Never put off until tomorrow the success you can have today!

In the meantime, live well, be well, and have a wonderful day!
David Cunningham

Attitude Adjustment, First Step in Dewussification, Happiness, and a Great Relationship or Marriage (See Original)

The first step in being attractive is a good attitude, and a good attitude is entirely a matter of choice.

Those of you who have been receiving my newsletter for a while have seen many letters from women complaining about their husband’s wimpy, wussy, defeatist attitudes and how much of a turn-off they are. We’re going to dig a little deeper into fixing that today.

Guys, in case you haven’t noticed, when you bitch, whine, and moan about how things are just crappy, you can’t get ahead no matter what you do, everything and everybody is against you, or “the system” is stacked against you and responsible for your present situation, or you’re some kind of victim, there are two things that you can be absolutely sure of:

1. Nobody wants to hear it
2. Nobody believes it for a second

The rest of us know that your life is what you choose to make of it, within the limit of your ability. How you deal with that is what determines your level of success, your self-confidence and self-esteem, and how people react to you – specifically, whether they want to spend time with you because they find you interesting and enjoyable to be around.

The good news is that how you deal with life is entirely your choice. Let’s take an extreme example to make the point clear, and then apply the principle to more common situations in everyday life. Let’s say you’re walking down the street, looking wussy, staring at your feet as you shuffle down the sidewalk, shoulders slumped, pouting, and looking like you’re having a crappy day and want the world to know about it…

Out of nowhere, a stranger steps up in front of you, draws a fist back behind him, and punches you squarely in the face, BAM! He hits you so hard you land squarely on your ass about five feet back from where you were standing. What do you do? It’s your choice, right?

Do you sit and cry because the mean old stranger just walked up and punched you in the face, wanting everyone to feel sorry for you so somebody else will hit him back for you or call the police?

Do you stand up, mad as a wet hen, and punch him back, because you’re suddenly feeling violent and wanting revenge?

Do you stand up and realize that the man just woke you up to the fact that you were being a wuss and knocked you on your ass to prove to you that you could get back up on your feet and carry on, and thank him for the reminder?

Do you stand up and realize that the man just did something that you’re not capable of doing, and ask him to instruct you in how to do it?

Do you stand up and realize that the man who just hit you may have thought you were someone else, and simply ask why he hit you to get to the bottom of it?

Do you stand up and tell him that you’re running a two-for-one sale today, and that for the paltry sum of $500, you’ll let him do it again?

Do you stand up and ask him if he has any last words or wants to say goodbye to his wife and kids before you dispatch him?

Any one of those choices, and many more, are yours to make! I know at least one individual who would have responded as described in each of those examples; that’s how I came up with the examples! How you respond to the situation is entirely your choice, and nobody else’s, and you should make it the most positive and productive choice possible.

No, this isn’t a head game. It’s truly how you choose to perceive and receive the situation, and what’s more, choose how you respond to it. You’re not choosing among various lies to tell yourself, but from among various results of what’s happening in front of you. How many of these choices do you get to make during the day? You may well be shocked if you watch for them and count them.

Let’s say one of your coworkers comes into your office and tells you about something new he’s learned to do and that the boss has complimented him or her on it. You can choose to label the coworker as a brownnoser and talk trash about them around the office to try to get them fired, or you can recognize that if your company makes more money, your job is more secure and your retirement contribution will be bigger, and you can recognize that this new skill may help your own career, and therefore ask the coworker to show you this new skill.

Your choice is therefore between seeing your coworker’s discovery as an insult or as an opportunity for you to make yourself more valuable to your company and give them a reason to pay you more. That choice should be a no-brainer. Truth be told, you could be a slimy worm who gets the coworker to show you his new skill and then makes up a lie to get him fired, but if you’re that much of a scumbag, there’s nothing I can do for you, and I’d appreciate it if you’d unsubscribe right now. I’m helping men, not predators and parasites.

Another example: Your boss comes in and says that the job you’ve had and utterly hated for the last two years is being terminated, and you’re being moved to another department to a job that you’ve tried to get transferred to several times in the past. It pays a little less than you make now and what you thought you’d made if you transferred, but it does have advancement opportunities.

Do you whine and complain about having to make an unexpected change and gripe about being unappreciated because you’re taking a slight pay cut, or do you choose to see that you’re finally free of the job you hate and being moved somewhere that you can better both your job and your pay and go at your new job with gusto and start realizing the changes you sought in the past? Another no-brainer, or so you’d think…

I saw two people at a company for which I was consulting quit in this very scenario. Their pay was being reduced by a whole $10 per week (1% of their weekly pay) until the end of the quarter (about eight weeks from then) when a new budget would take effect, and I know for a fact that both of them were blowing far more than that every week buying coffee and single packs of cigarettes at a convenience store on the way to work every morning instead of making coffee at home for the drive to work and buying their cigarettes in a carton each week. They had that same negative, short-sighted attitude, and chose to be insulted rather than see opportunity. And they constantly complained about the lack of attention their wives showed them, too. Gee, I wonder why? ;-)

I saw a great example of attitude a yesterday on Facebook, too:

Katherine
I don't know just how many more lemons I can stand in life! LOL My timing is soooo bad.

Comments:
Teresa: Yeah I don't know about you, but I'm pretty sick of lemonade!
David: I like lemonade. With a bit of lime juice, some salt, ice and tequila, it turns into great margaritas!

So there you go. If life hands you lemons, you make lemonade, and if you get tired of lemonade, kick it up another notch by adding ingredients for margaritas and invite some friends over. Then get back to business. ;-)

I started to list several more examples of how you can choose to see adversity or opportunity, but rather than do that, I’m going to invite you to try to spot them around you, and write to me by replying to any edition of my newsletter or by posting comments to this post on my forum at http://forum.makingherhappy.com and we’ll revisit this topic in a few days and compare notes.

Meanwhile, let me be very clear about this: There’s little you can do to make your wife, girlfriend, friends, siblings, coworkers, or anybody else want to avoid you any more than by consistently choosing to frame everything that happens in a negative context, and little you can do that will help your relationship with your partner and everybody else by keeping a positive attitude and looking for opportunity. It’s heroic, therefore romantic, and an attribute that is found in all effective leaders, and hence, trips those biological attraction triggers that bring women, especially the one you love, closer and closer to you.

It is indeed one of the first steps I look for opportunity to take in every intervention for a couple in crisis, because it is so important and because it is something that can be changed almost instantly, which is in turn because it is so purely a matter of personal choice. Positive attitude gets positive results, and negative attitude gets negative results. ‘Nuff said.

It doesn’t matter how bad you think your relationship – or your life – is, you will find what you look for with equal ease, whether it’s insult or opportunity. (You may recall a famous quote by Henry Ford: “Whether you think you can or you can’t, you’re absolutely right!”) Look for the opportunity, and when you find it, use it to achieve something, even if it’s only something small. Small chains of successes add up to self-confidence and big successes. Yes, that’s a choice, too.

Speaking of opportunity, how many times must I offer you the opportunity to know what every man needs to know about women before you stop bitching about me trying to sell you something in a free newsletter or a blog post and realize that what I’m offering you is something you’ve looked for all your life and thought you’d never find, and that it’s not even going to cost you as much as a good meal for two? That’s right Big Guy, opportunity is knocking here and now, and once again, you can choose whether to be insulted or to grab that opportunity and make the most of it. If you want to be a whiner, that’s your right and choice to make, but…

If you want to be one of us guys who people love to be around and who knows what every woman wishes all men – especially their partner – knew, then jump over to http://www.makingherhappy.com and grab your copy of “THE Man’s Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage” and make the change. That’s your right, and your choice to make, too!

In the meantime, live well, be well, and have a wonderful day!
David Cunningham

Don't Be Caught Frozen in the Headlights When Something Threatens Your Relationship or Marriage (See Original)

My beloved workshop was once hit by a flash flood, and while I was outside building dams and watersheds behind it to divert the flash flood current in the middle of a deluge of rain, something struck me that every man should know, especially when things aren’t working right in his relationship or marriage.

I live at the mouth of a somewhat shallow sort of box canyon, elevated above the normal flood plain, but in the perfect spot for the run-off from two ridges and a hillside tor run past my house and into a large creek that continues down the hill. The rain started coming down very hard that day, on the heels of a solid week of rain that had already saturated the ground to the point that we already had standing water, and I looked out a window and saw the largest stream of water I’ve seen since I’ve lived here running from behind my workshop and across about an acre of my lawn. Curiosity and concern aroused, I donned rain gear and went out to inspect, and it was a very good thing that I did so, and not a minute too soon.

The rain was increasing, and the run-off had started a flash flood coming down the hills and converging just behind my workshop, and it was slamming into the back of it so hard that the water was shooting under the walls and washing across the concrete floor of the shop. Luckily, all of my equipment is on wheels or mobile bases, so none of the cast iron parts of my table saw, jointer, planer, drill press, lathe, etc., got wet, but there was some exotic wood and a few cardboard boxes with new tools and materials in them getting wet and the feet of my solid beech workbench were sitting in an inch of water.

I quickly got those things out of harm’s way and went out back to address the on-coming flood, which now literally resembled rapids in a large creek. There was a pile of broken concrete where I had repoured part of the driveway and several large ricks of firewood, so I grabbed a shovel and mattock to dig trenches through some high spots that were allowing water to pool near my workshop and then started throwing up dams of concrete chunks, firewood, and spare roofing shingles to divert the water around the workshop to keep it from driving into and under the walls.

While all of this was going on, I was reminded of an old naval comedy called “Down Periscope” (you can see the description and reviews at IMDB’s website at http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0116130), in which there was a scene where the submarine they’re on is leaking and flooding and everybody is scrambling, and at the end, one of the crew, who had almost drowned trying to stop a gushing leak any fire hydrant would be proud to produce, brushes the water out of his hair and says, “Now that was FUN!” And it hit me…

I grew up on a farm, and when something bad happened, there was neither time nor tolerance for throwing up one’s hands and saying, “Oh no! What are we going to do?” or to simply do nothing and hope that the problem fixed itself. Problems that affected the farm equipment, or especially the crops, could mean the difference between eating and going hungry. So when a problem came up, we were like the guys on that submarine. Everybody pounced on the problem, handling what they were best-suited to do first, getting the most critical elements handled first, and continuing, quickly and rationally, until it was fixed and the crisis was resolved.

That’s how a man must handle ALL problems if he is to respect himself and be respected. It’s the only way that he can head off trouble before it gets too big, and the only way he can handle trouble that is too big and moving too fast to head off while it’s small. It’s the only way that his wife will trust his judgment and leadership, which must happen if she is going to be happy in the marriage, want to play and have fun with the man, feel like engaging in an active sex life, etc.

So if things around the house, at work, or especially in your marriage are anywhere from slowly deteriorating to being in full-scale crisis, don’t be some scared wuss frozen in the headlights of an on-coming disaster while your life and everything you hold dear washes past your feet. Take action. The self-respect you gain from handling things will boost your confidence, and thereby your attractiveness, and as your self-confidence and self-respect grow, your wife will be drawn inescapably closer to you as primal instinct overwhelms her with the feelings that she can trust you and that she has married well.

It sounds like a tall order, but it’s really not. If you look back at your life, the hardest part of every crisis or major project you’ve ever faced has most l likely been the decision to act, not the action itself. Once the decision is made, everything else is just follow-through. And if you take off in the wrong direction, you can make course corrections, whereas standing still and doing nothing will do nothing more than guarantee that whatever problem you’re facing will get worse until either you do something about it or it runs over you.

If it’s your relationship or marriage that is slowing down, hiccupping, or coming apart at the seams, that is the LAST problem you could expect to fix itself; relationship and marriage problems always get worse without attention. They fester like a boil, and finally erupt in a smelly, painful mess of pus and blood. And it doesn’t have to go down that way, even if the marriage was one of those that never should have happened in the first place. The worst marriages in the world can be dissolved peacefully and with dignity if you know that it must be ended and know what to do to end it properly.

There’s tested and proven help for you in my book, "THE Man's Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage," and it’s about a mouse-click away at http://www.makingherhappy.com/. It started with the stated needs and desires of 188 women, and was then tested and refined through the use and feedback of 118 couples, and has been continuously refined with the experience of thousands since; indeed, I’m about to release another, much larger update now, and it has always been and will continue to be my policy to provide free updates (and to replace lost copies) to anyone who has purchased in the past (as long as one of us can find some record of their purchase, even if it’s just an old credit card statement with my company name and the right price on it). It’s working for everyone who uses it, and I have the testimonials to prove it. Think not? This one came the day I first posted this lesson:

David,

Nearly four years ago I purchased your book when it was still titled “How To Be Attractive To The Woman You Love.” I consider it among my personal list of top five most influential and helpful books (a list that includes the Bible). Your book is a short read loaded with invaluable tools for MEN. You not only help understand the advanced intuitive female mind and its machinations but also help each one of us “man up.” It’s when I’ve drifted from your lessons that old habits or new complications have entered my life.

I was in a long-term relationship that recently ended. Part of it I attribute to finding myself unemployed and dealing with the ongoing distractions that presents. The other, deeper problem was the inability to completely connect with the person I loved even after years of being together. I believe the end came about because of a lack of intimacy. Outwardly, she seemed easily offended or embarrassed by matters relating to sex, yet I realized too late that she longed for ongoing sexual intimacy. As men, I think we tend to focus on sex from the physical aspects and easily lose sight of the emotional reinforcement it brings for women we love.

I’m now trying – too late for my last love – to refresh that awareness into my personal spirit of manhood. That has brought me back to a new diligence in following your manly wisdom. Your ongoing newsletter is the best at providing daily jewels of information on how to be a man, a loving man in a relationship. You have done your part. I must do mine with constant vigilance. I honor you for your dedication and the insights you share. You are a great guide to the mysterious path of womanhood. Thanks for lighting the way.

L

You see? Even when unusual stress takes a man out of character, he comes back and regains his manhood, his life, and a great relationship or marriage, whether he has it or finds one. And this guy is a well-read corporate type who is into self-help texts, and he’s listing this on among his “top five most influential and helpful books.” I wonder what he would have said if he had been able to join our forum, http://forum.makingherhappy.com/, and been able to share his questions and experiences with others as today’s members do.

Today is a perfect example; two men are having intimacy problems with their wives, I’m answering their questions and the women are jumping in to reinforce what I tell them and then elaborate on things I didn’t mention. We’ve spent our lives wishing women would tell us when they had a problem with something we did instead of telling everyone they know BUT us, and here they are, laying it out in detail to help us get it.

So it’s time for you to get moving to http://www.makingherhappy.com/ and start making things better right now. Or you could just keep right on standing there, the deer caught in the headlights, while everything you hold dear (and own!) goes right down the tubes in a flood of emotion, frustration, and confusion, except of course for the part that goes to line the lawyers’ pockets or to keep the wife’s boredom from killing you both. It’s your choice, so make it a good one.

In the meantime, live well, be well, and have a wonderful day!
David Cunningham

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