Instead of reinventing the wheel every day with the old school daily newsletter, we now have a forum where all new content is posted, all old content (including all newsletters) are still available, and you can post your own questions, problems, ideas, etc., and get help directly from me or from our whole group, including a rather large group of women who just love to help out. Come see us at
http://forum.makingherhappy.com/forum.php! For those of you who are tech-savvy, we've included all the great gadgets, from RSS feeds to mobile access, so come on over and join us!
Learn What Women Secretly Say Behind Their Husbands' Backs About
What They Want and Need,
What Turns Them On and Off,
and How to
Make Her Feel Like You Can Read Her Mind!
...unless, of course you’re ready to go back to getting flamed over a
lame pickup line in a bar or sitting at home reading the dating
personals. Or maybe just living with a cheating wife or girlfriend is
more your style. No?
Whether you’re having trouble in
your marriage or relationship now or wanting to stop it before it starts
(and it can start with one wrong look or word!), you’d better read
Frustrated, Confused, Or Celibate Friend,
Relationships, whether you’re married or not, go
stale – the excitement fades, the sex slows down and nearly stops,
schedules get filled with jobs, kids, hobbies, and chores, and before
you know it, you’re both crawling in the bed at night and falling
asleep, whether that’s why you went to bed or not. It may feel like the
end of your life and damage your self-image, but at worst, it’s just the
end of the honeymoon, and you’ve got yourself a lonely housewife or
girlfriend who just might already be listed in the online personals or
some lonely wife club.
What’s a Guy to
Do? What Have You Tried?
installing the free MakingHerHappy browser toolbar to keep up with
our blog articles, access chat and alerts, stop pop-ups, and much more!)
Solid relationship advice that
you can immediately put to work for you is hard to find. Some go out to
the library, bookstore or search engines looking for everything they can
find on “marriage help” or “marriage advice,” “seduce my wife,” “love
advice,” “relationship help,” or "relationship advice," or my favorite,
“what women want,” and get a very vague and inaccurate picture from
people who’d be better suited to writing psychology textbooks or
Others go to the other extreme, flooding Google and other search engines
with queries for sources on extra-marital affairs or dating sites, such
as “speed dating,” “dating advice,” “how to get a girlfriend,” “one
night stand,” and even “macking” (the art of the one night stand), and
don’t accomplish anything except setting themselves up for a divorce or
other bad break up and having it hit the “Girly Grapevine” that they are
a cheating scumbag.
Is this you?
There are a few who realize that creating and maintaining a happy and
fulfilling relationship needs a more direct approach, especially those
into self-help and self-improvement systems, and they go to millions of
sites Google serves up with such search terms as “attract woman,”
“seduction tip” and “sexual attraction,” but these pages and products,
developed by some of the world’s more brilliant minds, like John Alanis
(“The King of Let ‘em Come to You”), David DeAngelo (“Double Your
Dating”), Shelly McMurtry (“First in Her Mind”), Tiffany Taylor (“Guy
Gets Girl”), and Mari-Jo Tyler (“Laugh Into Love,” a relationship
expert, sex therapist, and comedienne!), and which get huge results for
people trying to become successful in the dating world, are developed
mainly for someone IN the dating world.
Going back into the dating world and meeting strangers is what
you’re trying to avoid, isn't it?! Trying to employ such attraction
tactics, such as being unpredictable, which is irresistible to a woman
you’ve just met, to a mature relationship will scare the living hell out
of a woman with whom you are sharing a mortgage and a few kids, married
She wants predictability, but is attracted to unpredictability.
There are a great many “toy boys” around who can give her that little
thrill while you continue to provide stability, so the whole issue is a
double-edged sword and a huge trap for both of you, as are many other
things that trip a woman’s attraction triggers.
How do you sort it out?
What do women want, especially in a long-term relationship? What
feelings can you enjoy giving her that she will enjoy?
To make matters worse, you may have already been doing some research,
and come across some of the dating gurus mentioned above. The advice
they give is rock solid for the dating world -- it just doesn't get any
better -- but they repeatedly say to their readers, "Once attraction is
lost, forget it and move on, because it's gone, it's near impossible, if
not entirely impossible, to bring it back."
Maybe for their readers, but take a closer look...
In the short window you have
to create attraction in a new person and try to make it bloom into a
lasting relationship, this is true. But, the rules and timeframes are
different for committed relationships. Have you already given up? You
shouldn't, because the fact that you're in a committed relationship
works in your favor, and can actually motivate your bored girlfriend or
wife to help you set things right under the right conditions.
Hi! I’m David
Cunningham, a semi-retired and measurably successful
international management consultant and troubleshooter,
and one of those people that everybody calls no matter
what their problem is, because if I don’t have an
answer, I find one for them that works.
At the request of
people in trouble, I’ve become an expert in most areas
of business, alternative healthcare and health
maintenance, gourmet dieting and cooking, just
to name a few things. It’s been going on so long that
many of the people who know me call me “Doc,” in spite
of the fact that I’m neither a physician nor holder of a
doctorate degree, because I can usually find "a cure for
whatever ails them."
This problem of
a “stale” relationship, one in which both parties, whether
married or not, still love each other and are committed to staying together, or
at least want to be, but their relationship is in a rut – their sex
lives are near non-existent, their lives are routine and boring --
happened over time and has become a “comfortable” habit. Judging by the
results of studies conducted by people qualified and equipped to conduct
them, the average married couple has sex only six times a year, in spite
of studies conducted on these same people indicating that they think
about sex hourly and often every few minutes.
How can this be a recipe
for a happy marriage?
I’m going to make a bet that if you’re still
reading this, either you’re in the same boat, or you’re the proactive
sort that tries to stop problems before they start and don’t want to be
part of that statistic. I’ve been happily married for the last
years at the time of this writing, and I can tell you from experience,
my own and that of hundreds of other couples, that the good news is
that reigniting her attraction for you is all that this situation
requires for short-term success, and keeping that success this time
around is a simple matter of completing two tasks and starting up two
on-going processes, one of which will be on “auto-pilot” and one you
will actively manage:
Task 1: Make sure you are a good match for each other.
Some people just aren't good for each other; indeed,
some couples are downright mutually destructive, and think
they're happy, when they are actually comfortably unhappy. A bad
match-up can’t work well because there’s always the stress of
trying to bend and stretch to meet somebody in the middle, and
it’s such a stretch that neither of you will ever be able to
enjoy the relationship.
Task 2 (and the process on “auto-pilot”): Learning a
bit about how men and women communicate differently and how to
"meet in the middle." You
may have always known that women go about it differently than we
do, and that it makes us nuts, but getting a handle on it is
really not as complicated as a great many of the people with
lots of “alphabet soup” dangling after their names on their
business cards would have you believe. Just being aware of the
basic differences is often enough to start bridging the gap,
because understanding often brings about cooperation and
improvement, which in turn starts a continuous improvement
process that you’ll find that you enjoy so much that
quickly become automatic, because while it’s a little bit of
work, it’s a whole lot of fun!
The actively managed process: Keeping that attraction
alive once reignited, which isn’t at all difficult once
you understand what she responds to, because it’s not
just easy to do, it’s fun for both of you! Especially when you
trip those triggers regularly, because not only will your sex
life return to what you used to call “normal” (and exciting!),
but you’ll once again find each other fun and exciting in more
and more ways. She’ll respond to having her triggers tripped by
automatically tripping your triggers as well, and as your
communications skills improve you’ll discover more ways to trip
each others’ triggers. It’s an upward spiral to long-term
happiness, building fun, excitement, and security, and
self-esteem for both of you.
As simple as that
sounds, that’s really all there is to it, but there are quite a few
toe-stumpers, pitfalls, and outright traps along the way. I’ve
investigated them, and with the help of a significant and still-growing
support staff of women who are in or have been in mature relationships,
have prepared a sizable report on how to make this all work in your
life. This support staff reviews all advice and examples to make sure
that everything is as accurate as possible with regard to how women
react to various thoughts, actions, and conversational elements by
gauging their own responses to the recommendations (and you can bet
their husbands and boyfriends are loving life now!), so what’s included
isn’t just an opinion of what works for one guy with one gal, it’s what
works, period! You’re getting information on what makes women tick that
every woman wishes you knew but few if any women would have ever told you
in a way you could understand if you had just asked.
The first part of the report (it was a
report” just for buying the product, but I’d rather keep it simple so
you can make a single download!) will lead you through a fair and
thorough assessment of yourself, your partner, and your relationship. It
will help you to ask and answer the difficult questions that must be
resolved before you can expect success going forward or find happiness
if this partner isn’t “the one.”
To speed you on your way to a more
intimate (and more fun!) relationship, in the second part of this
report, which was another huge “free report” but is also
integrated for a
more effective product and your convenience, I’ve provided not only a
few technical details, but also great examples of conversations you’ve
probably had, mistakes you probably made in those conversations, and
ways in which you can come out better when you have them again in the
Finally, we dig deep into what attraction really is, how it
works, and how to make it happen! Pay attention here, because
attraction, more than anything else, is what women want, whether they
realize it or not, and you've got to create it for them or someone else
In this robust, 116-page report, you'll learn:
yourself, your significant other, and your
relationship to determine if you should be
there or not.
If it turns out
that you shouldn’t be in the relationship,
there’s solid advice on who to contact
if you need help getting out and which dating
gurus I know you can contact for
effective advice and help in getting
back into the game with a satisfaction guarantee.
The actual secrets
of what women really want and
what they respond to—the answers to
questions that have plagued men for thousands of
years! Specifically, we’ll go through what
attraction is, why it’s so powerful, how to trigger
it in ways that are acceptable in a
mature relationship, and how to kill
it, both slowly and instantly.
The truth about
attraction, what it is, what causes it, and what
kills it, not to mention why it’s so important
throughout the relationship—why the
relationship starts dying the very second the
attraction starts to wane.
Why being a
traditional “nice guy” is the kiss of death to a
and how to do things that she will think are
nice without spoiling the relationship,
including how to determine the kinds of gifts
she’ll flip over every single time!
power tutorial in understanding the
differences in how men and women communicate,
why it is futile to expect each other to do anything
more than try to meet in the middle with
regard to communications style and methods (not
issues!), and why it’s so much easier
and fun when you are trying to meet in the
distinguish between "attraction," “love,” “need,”
(and yes, they are very different and
How and why
most little boys know more about attracting the
opposite sex than most teenage or adult men!
attraction disappears from relationships,
using specific examples, and how to tell if
this is what’s happening
or has happened in your relationship.
Why and how
women test men constantly, no matter how
good things get, and what to do about it.
need drama in their life, the difference
between a normal woman and a “drama queen,” and why
normal woman will be horribly insulted if you call
her a “drama queen.”
don’t want a “metrosexual” for their lover,
but those baggy graphic T-shirts and cargo shorts,
worn out sandals, and grubby baseball caps
won’t cut it either. You’ll discover
the happy medium, and you’ll be thrilled to
know that it doesn’t have to cost you an arm
and a leg.
Ways in which men
and women are overwhelmingly similar in their
needs and desires – this section will shock
most if not all readers!
A specific list of
things that trigger instant attraction in
virtually all women, which ones work best
between members of a mature relationship and which
work better in a new relationship, as well as the
ones that can be counter-productive in a
mature relationship if handled wrong and how
to handle them
(unpredictability is not the only one!).
attraction is triggered, to make sure you not only
don’t kill it with a bad sexual performance,
give her what she really wants and will fight to
keep, every time!
Why should you
bother to read this report? Well for starters, it works! Just the
awareness gained by the support staff in focusing on the material and
pulling it all together revived and improved their relationships to
honeymoon status. If that's not a good enough reason, let’s talk money
for a minute...
How many hundreds or thousands of dollars do you think you
might spend on marriage counselors and/or lawyers trying to fix your
current problems (especially if you get caught in an affair)?
kids involved? Do you want to risk only seeing them every other weekend?
The reasons are plentiful and should be pretty obvious!
Here’s what people just like you have said after
reading and improving their relationships with “THE
Man's Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage":
became the best"
Thank you for saving my marriage! My husband
and I have been together for 10 years now and our marriage had
become more of a chore than a loving relationship. We've always
loved each other, but the excitement of being together was long
gone. We've tried many times to rekindle that excitement, but it
just didn’t happen. After my husband began reading your book, I
started to notice a big difference. He shared your book with me,
and I have to admit I was somewhat skeptical in the beginning,
but as we began to understand attraction and each other more and
more our marriage became the best it has ever been.
from sex every couple of months to hot sex every night or two
(and sometimes during the day too)! We stopped fighting and
started communicating, and now every day is like a special gift
that we share. I never thought that we would stay together, but
thanks to you and your book, I want to spend the rest of my life
with this man. Thank you so much for helping us to bring the
excitement back into our marriage (and the sex back into our
--Elaine L., formerly bored and frustrated wife
of 11 years, mother of three, attorney
"I have never been
more attracted to a man"
I have been in a relationship with the same man now for five
years. After two of those years I began to have affairs with
other men searching for that feeling that first made me love my
boyfriend and the erotic sex that we once shared. After
confessing to my boyfriend about the affairs, we both decided we
loved each other too much to give up, so we started searching
for something that could help us get back on track.
your book, and are now two months away from getting married and
we communicate better them most couples that have been together
a long time. To this day I have never been more attracted to a
man than I am this one and the sex is “anyplace at anytime” (how
many couples can still say that after five years???). Thank you
so much for helping us not to lose each other over something we
had the control to take care of all the time.
corporate sales, now married with new child
"Like a honeymoon
Your book is just what it took to make my marriage like
a honeymoon again. I never realized how much I didn’t know about
women, or how little it would take to turn things around. It’s
like we just got married, and it’s all thanks to you.
L., Ob/Gyn, formerly frustrated husband of 8 years, father of
"She's fun to live
This stuff is incredible! I never knew there was so much to
understand about women, or that it would be so easy to see when
somebody pointed it out. My wife's noticed the difference in me,
and it's certainly caused a difference in her -- she's fun to
live with again, and she says it's because I'm fun to live with
--Gil P., Electrician, formerly bewildered
and frustrated husband of seven years, two children
"The woman of my
Wow! I can’t believe what your book has done for my
relationship. Finally I am not the “old friend” anymore -- I am
the “boyfriend,” and if we go on like this much longer, I’m
going to be “the husband.” Since I learned what women want, I am
spending my nights (and soon my life!) with the woman of my
--Dale L., computer support consultant,
now married to "the woman of his dreams"
"It's like he's
reading my mind."
What did you do to my husband?! He’s acting like more of a
guy than he’s ever been, but sometimes it’s like he’s reading my
mind. He finally let me read your book and it all seemed simple
enough, but it’s sure made a difference in him. Thanks so much
for finally explaining to men what women have been trying to
tell them for years.
--Carrie W., formerly bored and
frustrated homemaker, wife of executive, three children
Dude! Where were you four years ago when I married this
woman? You could have stopped me from wasting a big chunk of my
life. I was bored, she was bored and needy, and when we started
talking about it, she admitted that she also wished we’d never
married because she was on the rebound and has felt bad about it
from the beginning.
We’re both moving on, peacefully, starting
with a no-fault divorce handled by one attorney. Thanks for
helping us see we had made a mistake, and for moving me in the
right direction. Those dating gurus you recommended are
first-rate. I’m reading some of their stuff now and getting back
into dating prepared for action is going to be fun!
Civil Engineer, now married to a physician's assistant
In case you found this page before
going through dozens or even hundreds of offers for materials on a
related subject, the dating gurus, at least those cited above, are
getting a couple hundred bucks or more for many of their products, and
having bought and read them, I can tell you they’ve earned every penny
of it. They’ve spent months and even years studying psychology and
people, and interviewing hundreds of people, not to mention testing
their recommendations in their everyday lives. I’ve spent a huge amount
of time and effort on this product, and so has the aforementioned
support staff, nearly three man-years directly in the production of the
document plus the time spent studying psychology, communications,
negotiating, etc., before getting involved in the project, but having
already made my mark on the world more than once, and enjoying the way
it feels to have made such a contribution, you're going to get a deal
you can't refuse...
You'll get all this in an immediately downloadable
e-book (Adobe PDF format -- free Adobe Reader available at
http://www.adobe.com) for only
$39.97, which is a very small fraction of what a single hour in the
office of a competent marriage counselor or attorney in most parts of
the country. It's also less than the cost of a good meal for two in
about any good restaurant. A meal lasts an hour; the benefits of
this knowledge will last you a lifetime!
Complete With Bonus Reports You Can Use Right Now
"In case of Emergency!" -
"Break-Up Busting 101"
- a ten-part series of articles spanning 45 single-spaced pages (larger than
a lot of other authors' primary e-book products!) on how to understand what
brought (or can bring) your relationship to crisis. It will show you how to
quickly bring her
willingly back to the table so you can get your problems resolved as
fast and peacefully as possible.
Plus it will get you both back to living a happy, exciting life again. From
the feedback I've gotten, from my support staff and loyal
readers, it will be a lot more fun and exciting than you've ever had
- "What Women Want"
- an eleven-part series of articles spanning single-spaced pages (again, a
lot larger than a lot of other authors' primary e-book products!) on what
women say they want, and even more important,
what they respond to
positively that they don't realize they want, helping you avoid those "be
careful what you wish for because you might just get it" situations.
You certainly don't need to be making any more of those "nice, sensitive guy
who cries with her at chick flicks" mistakes, right?
You also get a free subscription to my daily newsletter.
You'll get additional tips and advice every single day and
get your questions answered (and see others' questions and answers!)
for as long as you subscribe. These daily gems give you additional insights
and how-to information on every facet of relationships, marriage,
attraction, naughty boy behavior, etc., you won't find anywhere else.
Now you'll have your own daily refresher delivered to you that will
strengthen and enlighten you with a unique take on everyday problems and
issues and how you can solve them. You are not alone,
I'll be here every day to make sure you get it done and have the most
fun you've had in years while you're doing it!
Your Risk Free, 100% Money Back, 365 Day Guarantee
To top it all off, your satisfaction is guaranteed for a
full year from the date of purchase. That’s 365 days that
you get to study the material and make changes in your life. If you
can’t make the success that everyone else is making with this material, you’ll be promptly refunded
simply by asking.
In addition, if
you'll sign up for the free newsletter, you'll continue to get
additional tips and advice and get your questions answered (and see
others' questions and answers!) for as long as you care to subscribe.
Friends won’t talk about successes nearly as often or nearly as long as
they’ll talk about something that ticks them off. Your success is most
important of all, and you're getting a full year to make it happen, but
if it just can't happen, at least you'll be satisfied that we both gave
it an honest effort and you were treated as promised. The bottom
line is that improving your
situation really is up to you, and it's time to choose to succeed.
No matter what your situation right now, you’ve got three choices:
Buy now and
start fixing problems before they finish
killing off your relationship (and maybe your bank
account and personal wealth as well).
Buy now and start
for the preventive maintenance that will keep
your relationship fun and satisfying for a
Don’t buy, don’t
learn, and join all the other men who are
semi-celibate, locked into relationships
that prevent them from achieving their potential by
damaging their self-esteem, and either about
to lose or have lost half of everything they
own and been saddled with alimony at least
once in their life, seeing their children once
or twice a month, and getting dumped back into the
dating jungle at middle-age.
Bring back that
Download this inexpensive and incredibly informative e-book
Wishing you health,
wealth, and happiness in all that you do,
Recent Articles from the
Newsletter and Blog:
|Still Alive and Kicking! (See Original)
Well, it's been a while. And what a long, strange trip it's been.
As I noted in the sidebar, our forum has been taken offline, thanks to some predatory, sociopathic jackasses that will eventually reap what they've sown and some software developers who didn't think that guarding against common attacks like "SQL Injection" or repeated failed attempts to login from the same IP address might be a good idea. It will be back when a secure platform upon which to host a forum appears with sufficient safeguards to keep forum members from being barraged with fake Viagra ads if I don't spend a full workday policing posts.
Life in sunny Las Vegas is still good, and "The Mrs." is still "The Mrs.," and happy about it. Not much else I can say about that, except that I practice what I preach, and it works. ;-)
To those who are in need of immediate help, you can still email me with questions at firstname.lastname@example.org and phone coaching sessions are still available if you have urgent issues. Just email and we'll set it up ASAP.
A wonderful day to you and yours!
|Taking a New and Better Approach to a Great Relationship or Marriage (See Original)
Times are changing, life is happening, and it’s time to take a different approach.
You may have noticed that I didn’t post anything yesterday. It wasn’t due to lack of interest.
There has been a lot happening behind the scenes. As the economy has slowed, it’s impacted me as much as everyone else in some ways. Some of my businesses have slowed and other opportunities have arisen to take their place. Technology has changed the way people seek and access information. And all of it has caused me to need to change some things, for my own sake and that of customers and potential customers, including all of you. Today I’m going to outline those changes for you.
Some of these changes require that I move my physical location back to Nevada. That’s already in the works. I’ll be swamped in relocation and settling in between now and about the end of March.
That means time will be scarce, and I must spend it wisely. It appears that the best way to continue to help you folks is to move everyone along to our forum so that there can be a single point of contact for all of us.
As it is now, I’m circulating this newsletter, posting on blogs on Blogger, Facebook, MySpace, LiveJournal, and Twitter, and reinventing the wheel daily has held back some other very necessary progress, such as getting my existing work converted for distribution through Amazon’s Kindle system and in other formats friendly to smartphones and tablets. So instead of spending an hour a day dispatching newsletters that are already in the archive, I’ll spend that time posting new content on the forum when there is something worth your time to read, answering questions via our forum or e-mail, and working on the aforementioned so I can move on to the big project that has been on the back burner for way too long, a book for women that they’ve been asking me to finish for years.
Copies of this newsletter are already filed in one of the subforums, called “Daily Newsletter Lessons,” and there is another forum where I’ve been categorizing newsletter content in preparation for the release of the next update of my current book with a massive expansion that includes the best information from the last several years' newsletters and examples from our forum. The entire forum is searchable, so finding what you want there as you need it instead of waiting for me to dole it out every day will work better for you, too.
For those of you who haven’t visited, we do have mobile access to our forum through the Tapatalk app; vBulletin has released a development suite for mobile support but I’ve not yet heard anything about it that impressed me enough to implement it. New releases of new products are always bug-ridden and spending a big chunk of money and time on something that won’t give you as good an experience as the $3 (one-time fee, not monthly subscription) Tapatalk app will give you as things are now just doesn’t make sense for any of us.
There is also a live chat facility there that nobody has been using. As more people register for membership (the chat service isn’t available to anonymous users because I don’t want spammers and pranksters harassing or hacking forum users), I’ll start dedicating blocks of time to be in the chat room myself for live discussion and possibly even some chat parties.
There are more surprises coming, but me abandoning this project is not among them for the foreseeable future. It’s just time to evolve, and a man who won’t evolve when changing times say it’s necessary is a coward doomed to failure and extinction, not a man. I practice what I preach.
So that’s it for now, folks. Join us at our forum, http://forum.makingherhappy.com/forum.php for the next evolution, and for your own next evolution, check out my book, “THE Man’s Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage at http://www.makingherhappy.com/.
In the meantime, live well, be well, and have a wonderful day!
|Switching Gears: Coping with the Expected and Unexpected in Relationships and Marriage (See Original)
What women want, they get more often than not; the only question is from whom or with whom will they get it…
I hope you're having a great day! The following reader comment blew me away when it first came in, and these many months later, it still does. Of all the letters I ever expected to get from readers, this one would have never been on the list. Meet Dawn:
I have been putting off writing you because I did not want to sound crazy. My boyfriend David and I bought your book so that we could see if we should really get married or not. He wanted to get married before now, but I kept putting him off because I felt there was something missing in our relationship. The thing is that I started finding his roommate attractive. I ended up spending the night with Eric (his roommate) while he was out of town. That night I found out that Eric had been reading your book the whole time and my David had not. I just wanted to say thanks, because Eric and I will be getting married in a few weeks and David is last week’s trash.
I hope your book helps everyone as much as it helped me find the man I always dreamed of calling my husband.
I didn’t originally write “THE Man’s Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage” to help anyone FIND a mate (although enough has been added to it that it will certainly do that quite well now), and to tell you the truth, I wrote it for GUYS (with a few BIG HINTS for women included). BUT, I’ve found through e-mails from readers that a lot of my sales have been to single women who are apparently smarter than us guys because they are reading material for guys to see what to prepare themselves for and ultimately seek out. I originally expected sales to women to be for their men, not for themselves. Women are taking initiative and going for it! After all, a huge part of their life is managing relationships; they are born wired to do it, and we could learn quite a bit from them about relationships if we'd take the time to do so -- I sure did!
However, Gentlemen, there are a couple of huge lessons here for all of us to learn, aside from the fact that what’s in this book works. Women pay attention to what’s going on around them, and they are extremely sensitive to not only behavior, but CHANGES in behavior. That’s why I recommend in the first part of my book that if a man evaluates his relationship and finds out that it is one that should be kept and improved that he have the woman in his life read it as well.
This is to help her understand that she and your marriage are to be the beneficiaries (along with yourself, of course!) of the changes she’s about to see, not a new girlfriend. A new girlfriend would often be a woman’s first thought when she sees positive change in a man, and unfortunately, most of the time she’d be right. Let’s face it Gentlemen, one of the things that get men caught having an affair is its effect as a confidence booster, which does change his behavior toward most, if not all, the people around him.
Another lesson is that women recognize when you’re committed by the effort you make, and if you’re caught slacking, you will be punished for it on some level, usually by having them withhold some part of themselves from you, whether it be time, consideration, support, favor, intimacy, sex, or whatever, and even by giving that part of themselves they withhold from you to another man. Being assertive and taking the lead in achievement, even the achievement of a better relationship, is sexy; being lazy or timid is anti-sexy. Take the hint, and get on the ball.
Make a hobby and a habit of taking responsibility for your life and doing constructive things to improve yourself and your environment (the space and circumstances around you – I’m not talking “green” here), and encourage others to do the same thing, a strong sign of leadership that no woman can resist. There is no person or group that can save the world, but if we all start taking better care of ourselves and the part of the world we live and work in, there won’t be much room left for problems. We’re proving that at our forum, http://forum.makingherhappy.com, as member after member figures out what’s wrong or missing from their life and fixes it, and you’d be doing yourself a favor to join us there.
We all have a bit of a tendency to slow down and let things slide a little as we get older, and the more we let slide, the more the momentum builds, and the faster we and our situations decay, so fix everything before it becomes broken, and I’m talking about every aspect of your life – marriage, job, hobbies, physical and mental condition, EVERYTHING! There’s no need to be an OVER-achiever, but be a “doer” and take care of yourself and your situation.
Start by going to http://www.makingherhappy.com and downloading your copy of my book “THE Man’s Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage” and get your love life (and sex life) in order, and then keep right on going, with the job, friends, physique, etc., using the confidence gained by a happy home life to build your momentum. Do it now, because life’s too short to do anything less than LIVE it.
In the meantime, live well, be well, and have a wonderful day!
|Attitude Adjustment, a Double-Edged Sword That Can Make or Break YOUR Relationship or Marriage (See Original)
We’ve talked about how an attitude adjustment can build attraction, but we need to talk about how the wrong attitude adjustment can just as effectively kill attraction, to the point of trashing a relationship or marriage completely!
First, I’d like to tell everyone how proud I am of those of you who have been writing to me and for all but one or two notable exceptions, posting on our forum (there have been a couple of people who were looking for validation of their crappy attitude and refused to step up and face reality when their own self-deception was pointed out to them). Those two notwithstanding, I have an outstanding group of readers, people who make the choice to improve and follow through on it, something that I don’t see much in the rest of my day-to-day activities. Constant contact with people who get things done is both therapeutic and motivating, and if you don’t have any other “winners” in your social or work circle, I strongly urge you to find some.
It’s very easy for the members of any group of people to sink to the level of the lowest member in the group, and surrounding yourself with high-quality people is excellent insurance against this, not to mention much more enjoyable than listening to some mealy-mouthed worm complaining about his mishaps and shortcomings every time you see him. Good people should keep the company of good people, not those who want to be supported by good people rather than expend the effort themselves to be good people.
Getting into today’s lesson, I was reminded by a letter from one of you that attitudes can be adjusted in both directions, for the better and for the worse, and it can go entirely unnoticed until it’s too late. Meet my buddy Joe, one of the older among you:
Thought I'd take advantage of the invitation to share a current example and the observed effects.
I'll try to make this the “readers digest” version, but some back-story is probably beneficial.
About 8 months ago some friends and I pooled funds and bought a business that would otherwise have disappeared. Three of us contributed money and one was to be sweat equity.
At the time I was exerting leadership and authority it triggered attraction in a woman (we'll call her Judy) I'd known for about a year and who was involved in the purchase as well. We were spending an increasing amount of time together, sharing more of our lives and becoming intimate. After being alone for about 4 years (long separation and divorce) it was a very welcome addition to my life.
After things settled in I neglected to “keep it going” in terms of leadership, (mistakenly) feeling that since she and I were doing well and had a definite affinity that things would continue. WRONG. There are other factors involved, but basically I failed to continue in the leadership role and the attraction waned considerably. The end result was that the relationship that had been hot and very mutual was put “on hold” until we “each got things in our lives straightened out.”
This last week we had to remove the “sweat equity partner” from managing the restaurant. Since I'm the geographically close partner AND the person that put the deal together AND have worked the business as well, it has fallen to me to organize and manage the restaurant. This created a lot of strain and even induced a bit of “panic” initially. A lot communication went on with the partners over status, decision-making, etc. Again I failed to take a strong enough leadership position.
Since that point I've gotten a handle on things, however, the effect on my relationship with Judy took a worse turn in that she's not confident with my assertiveness and there's now some struggle and even bossiness on her part in how things will proceed. Yep, classic wussiness and deference have caused her to feel she has to 'be the man'.
Now there are other issues in play here, and an evaluation of Judy as an appropriate partner is clearly required as she has her own set of issues. HOWEVER, observing the progression of events here it's clear that FAILING TO TAKE THE LEADERSHIP ROLE HAS TANKED WHAT WAS ONCE A CLEAR AFFINITY AND PRETTY FUN AND INTERESTING RELATIONSHIP.
I'm re-evaluating my process of relating information to my partners with an eye towards framing the issue, identifying options and suggesting the most effective choice, INSTEAD of coming across with a “what am I going to do now?” type of attitude.
It's a learning process and some take longer to “get” the lessons. The thing is that the lessons continue to come until we DO get it.
Thanks David for your help and newsletters. They're helping me to change into a better man and better partner...for someone, sometime.
As you can see from Joe’s account, letting your attitude deteriorate in the face of stress, deadlines, boredom, and a lot of other things, is easy, and it can cost you, dearly. So keep an eye on your attitude, mood, deviation from good habits (like being on time, or being well-groomed) that show self-respect, etc., and don’t let things go down the tubes when they could easily be maintained or improved. It’s far easier to maintain the good things in life than it is to regain them once lost.
There was one guy on our forum, http://forum.makingherhappy.com/, who went through this and never could get it right. For the last two of seven years of marriage, his wife tried harder and harder to tell him that his attitude was pushing her away, and it got so bad that she has not only dropped the divorce bomb on him, she’s so much in the habit of punishing him verbally for what he did in the past that she was unable and unwilling to even attempt to see him as he is now. We tried to coach him through it, and his attitude was bouncing around like a ball, rather dramatically in fact.
He’d see the problems and admit what needed to be done, and then start making excuses and fabricating things out of thin air that were in direct contradiction to what he’d already said, trying to evade the fact that he was married to a predator just to keep from having to make a change that could have facilitated a happy life. It’s a fascinating read and could save your marriage or a friend’s somewhere down the road because it exposes so many pitfalls and what happens when you handle them the wrong way, so join us and give it a read. Search for “Lerxst” and you’ll easily spot the relevant threads.
Getting back to maintaining things being easier than regaining them once lost, think of a bundle of asphalt roofing shingles. Once you get them up on your shoulder, holding them there or going up the ladder with them isn’t hard at all, but getting them from the ground to your shoulder (especially if you do two at a time like I do) is rough, and you can get hurt pretty badly doing it if you don’t do it just right. Relationships are the same way. Easy to maintain or elevate from a comfortable position, but having the potential to break your back if you have to bring one from the ground up.
So now you have to ask yourself a question: “Do I know what my attitude, demeanor, personality, habits, etc., are projecting about me???” And do you know how the people, and specifically the women in your life, are interpreting what they see? Another question: “If somebody, especially a woman, tried to tell me what they see, would I listen, and understand?”
You will after you’ve read my book, "THE Man's Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage," and you’ll also know what they like seeing and how to adjust your attitude and outlook so that they see what they’re looking for and you enjoy your life more, not because they see it, but because YOU do. It’s fun, easy, and every man who has tried it to date has succeeded in making his life better, regardless of what woman’s company he was keeping, so whatever is holding you back, skip it, and get over to http://www.makingherhappy.com/ and download your copy right now. Never put off until tomorrow the success you can have today!
In the meantime, live well, be well, and have a wonderful day!
|Attitude Adjustment, First Step in Dewussification, Happiness, and a Great Relationship or Marriage (See Original)
The first step in being attractive is a good attitude, and a good attitude is entirely a matter of choice.
Those of you who have been receiving my newsletter for a while have seen many letters from women complaining about their husband’s wimpy, wussy, defeatist attitudes and how much of a turn-off they are. We’re going to dig a little deeper into fixing that today.
Guys, in case you haven’t noticed, when you bitch, whine, and moan about how things are just crappy, you can’t get ahead no matter what you do, everything and everybody is against you, or “the system” is stacked against you and responsible for your present situation, or you’re some kind of victim, there are two things that you can be absolutely sure of:
1. Nobody wants to hear it
2. Nobody believes it for a second
The rest of us know that your life is what you choose to make of it, within the limit of your ability. How you deal with that is what determines your level of success, your self-confidence and self-esteem, and how people react to you – specifically, whether they want to spend time with you because they find you interesting and enjoyable to be around.
The good news is that how you deal with life is entirely your choice. Let’s take an extreme example to make the point clear, and then apply the principle to more common situations in everyday life. Let’s say you’re walking down the street, looking wussy, staring at your feet as you shuffle down the sidewalk, shoulders slumped, pouting, and looking like you’re having a crappy day and want the world to know about it…
Out of nowhere, a stranger steps up in front of you, draws a fist back behind him, and punches you squarely in the face, BAM! He hits you so hard you land squarely on your ass about five feet back from where you were standing. What do you do? It’s your choice, right?
Do you sit and cry because the mean old stranger just walked up and punched you in the face, wanting everyone to feel sorry for you so somebody else will hit him back for you or call the police?
Do you stand up, mad as a wet hen, and punch him back, because you’re suddenly feeling violent and wanting revenge?
Do you stand up and realize that the man just woke you up to the fact that you were being a wuss and knocked you on your ass to prove to you that you could get back up on your feet and carry on, and thank him for the reminder?
Do you stand up and realize that the man just did something that you’re not capable of doing, and ask him to instruct you in how to do it?
Do you stand up and realize that the man who just hit you may have thought you were someone else, and simply ask why he hit you to get to the bottom of it?
Do you stand up and tell him that you’re running a two-for-one sale today, and that for the paltry sum of $500, you’ll let him do it again?
Do you stand up and ask him if he has any last words or wants to say goodbye to his wife and kids before you dispatch him?
Any one of those choices, and many more, are yours to make! I know at least one individual who would have responded as described in each of those examples; that’s how I came up with the examples! How you respond to the situation is entirely your choice, and nobody else’s, and you should make it the most positive and productive choice possible.
No, this isn’t a head game. It’s truly how you choose to perceive and receive the situation, and what’s more, choose how you respond to it. You’re not choosing among various lies to tell yourself, but from among various results of what’s happening in front of you. How many of these choices do you get to make during the day? You may well be shocked if you watch for them and count them.
Let’s say one of your coworkers comes into your office and tells you about something new he’s learned to do and that the boss has complimented him or her on it. You can choose to label the coworker as a brownnoser and talk trash about them around the office to try to get them fired, or you can recognize that if your company makes more money, your job is more secure and your retirement contribution will be bigger, and you can recognize that this new skill may help your own career, and therefore ask the coworker to show you this new skill.
Your choice is therefore between seeing your coworker’s discovery as an insult or as an opportunity for you to make yourself more valuable to your company and give them a reason to pay you more. That choice should be a no-brainer. Truth be told, you could be a slimy worm who gets the coworker to show you his new skill and then makes up a lie to get him fired, but if you’re that much of a scumbag, there’s nothing I can do for you, and I’d appreciate it if you’d unsubscribe right now. I’m helping men, not predators and parasites.
Another example: Your boss comes in and says that the job you’ve had and utterly hated for the last two years is being terminated, and you’re being moved to another department to a job that you’ve tried to get transferred to several times in the past. It pays a little less than you make now and what you thought you’d made if you transferred, but it does have advancement opportunities.
Do you whine and complain about having to make an unexpected change and gripe about being unappreciated because you’re taking a slight pay cut, or do you choose to see that you’re finally free of the job you hate and being moved somewhere that you can better both your job and your pay and go at your new job with gusto and start realizing the changes you sought in the past? Another no-brainer, or so you’d think…
I saw two people at a company for which I was consulting quit in this very scenario. Their pay was being reduced by a whole $10 per week (1% of their weekly pay) until the end of the quarter (about eight weeks from then) when a new budget would take effect, and I know for a fact that both of them were blowing far more than that every week buying coffee and single packs of cigarettes at a convenience store on the way to work every morning instead of making coffee at home for the drive to work and buying their cigarettes in a carton each week. They had that same negative, short-sighted attitude, and chose to be insulted rather than see opportunity. And they constantly complained about the lack of attention their wives showed them, too. Gee, I wonder why? ;-)
I saw a great example of attitude a yesterday on Facebook, too:
I don't know just how many more lemons I can stand in life! LOL My timing is soooo bad.
Teresa: Yeah I don't know about you, but I'm pretty sick of lemonade!
David: I like lemonade. With a bit of lime juice, some salt, ice and tequila, it turns into great margaritas!
So there you go. If life hands you lemons, you make lemonade, and if you get tired of lemonade, kick it up another notch by adding ingredients for margaritas and invite some friends over. Then get back to business. ;-)
I started to list several more examples of how you can choose to see adversity or opportunity, but rather than do that, I’m going to invite you to try to spot them around you, and write to me by replying to any edition of my newsletter or by posting comments to this post on my forum at http://forum.makingherhappy.com and we’ll revisit this topic in a few days and compare notes.
Meanwhile, let me be very clear about this: There’s little you can do to make your wife, girlfriend, friends, siblings, coworkers, or anybody else want to avoid you any more than by consistently choosing to frame everything that happens in a negative context, and little you can do that will help your relationship with your partner and everybody else by keeping a positive attitude and looking for opportunity. It’s heroic, therefore romantic, and an attribute that is found in all effective leaders, and hence, trips those biological attraction triggers that bring women, especially the one you love, closer and closer to you.
It is indeed one of the first steps I look for opportunity to take in every intervention for a couple in crisis, because it is so important and because it is something that can be changed almost instantly, which is in turn because it is so purely a matter of personal choice. Positive attitude gets positive results, and negative attitude gets negative results. ‘Nuff said.
It doesn’t matter how bad you think your relationship – or your life – is, you will find what you look for with equal ease, whether it’s insult or opportunity. (You may recall a famous quote by Henry Ford: “Whether you think you can or you can’t, you’re absolutely right!”) Look for the opportunity, and when you find it, use it to achieve something, even if it’s only something small. Small chains of successes add up to self-confidence and big successes. Yes, that’s a choice, too.
Speaking of opportunity, how many times must I offer you the opportunity to know what every man needs to know about women before you stop bitching about me trying to sell you something in a free newsletter or a blog post and realize that what I’m offering you is something you’ve looked for all your life and thought you’d never find, and that it’s not even going to cost you as much as a good meal for two? That’s right Big Guy, opportunity is knocking here and now, and once again, you can choose whether to be insulted or to grab that opportunity and make the most of it. If you want to be a whiner, that’s your right and choice to make, but…
If you want to be one of us guys who people love to be around and who knows what every woman wishes all men – especially their partner – knew, then jump over to http://www.makingherhappy.com and grab your copy of “THE Man’s Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage” and make the change. That’s your right, and your choice to make, too!
In the meantime, live well, be well, and have a wonderful day!
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